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Kim's avatar

I believe that’s the best description of what happens to us that I’ve ever read.

Thank you for sharing your heart.

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R. Michael Brown's avatar

I hear ya brother. Happened to me - twice with two divorces! The alienator is committing child abuse and the family courts don't do anything about it. Glad you're making it through. Keep going!

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David Shubert's avatar

Wow—twice in two marriages. Sadly, I’m not even surprised anymore. I’ve written before about how alienators often seek out partners based on very specific traits: empathy, forgiveness, people who give second (and third) chances. If it’s happened to you more than once, it probably means you’re one of those people who loves hard and hopes even harder.

That kind of heart is a gift—but it’s also what alienators exploit.

~David

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R. Michael Brown's avatar

Ahh, yes you are right on point. Turns out the second wife was a con-artist. Targeted me because I was an executive at a company she did business with. She even had two sets of books, the crooked one she shared with me.

We got married and even though we both "said" we didn't want more children, she manipulated birth control to have a child. As soon as our son was born she filed for divorce, alimony, and child support. I fought for 50% custody and won.

Alienation began immediately. The church I was attending at the time had a Divorce Care class and they trained me to teach it because they knew of my situation. I had an average of 65 in the class every week for several years. I've heard virtually every story. Alienation is a big part of most of them.

The good news is that my son is now 18 and just graduated from high school. It's been a struggle with what his mother has put him through. He and I have a pretty good relationship despite the constant alienation and disparaging me to him.

I'm praying that you get un-erased eventually David. It can happen with consistent love, understanding, and active listening. God bless brother!

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David Shubert's avatar

Your story sounds eerily familiar in most aspects except it only happened to me once, but that one time has lasted for eighteen years... and it's still not over yet. Let's chat sometime!

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Louise's avatar

David your words resonate deeply and I also agree with the sentiment from Kim. Thank you for sharing this.

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