Yearning to Trust Again

Parental Alienation Survivor | Author | Podcast Creator & Host of iWasErased Reflections | Giving Voice to Erased Parents | Creator of the iWasErased Newsletter

May 13, 2026

It’s strange how life can change you over time.

I remember when I was young, I was, perhaps, one of the most trusting people you could ever meet. For some reason or another, I wanted to believe there was a certain amount of goodness in people.

The strange thing about this is that even during those times when someone hurt me, disappointed me, or even betrayed me in some way, I would usually just chalk it up to, “Well… people make mistakes.” Afterward, I’d just move on. I guess back then, I forgave folks easily.

Probably too easily.

I actually believed in giving people second chances. Sometimes there were even third and fourth chances, too. For the most part, I didn’t walk around looking for bad intentions in people. I certainly didn’t assume everyone had some hidden motive. It was quite the opposite; I believed family was family. I believed marriage meant loyalty. And I believed that the people closest to you would always protect your heart, not become the ones who damaged it the most.

But then something changed inside me. Or maybe more it was… something that broke in me.

I guess this all started right around the time I was in my mid- to late-30s. There’s no doubt that the abduction of my children and the alienation afterward definitely poured gallons of gasoline on it. Because when something like that happens to you, it doesn’t just affect your relationship with your children. It actually changes the way you see people altogether.

In my case, I trusted the woman I married. I trusted her with my life. I trusted her to be a good parent. I trusted her with my daughter and my stepson. There was never a thought in my mind that the person I loved would one day become the person responsible for helping erase me from my children’s lives.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened. And the strange thing is… that once betrayal enters your life at that level, it starts a chain reaction in how you see everyone else, too. Over the years, I became more guarded. Certainly more cynical. And definitely more distrusting.

This wasn’t just toward strangers. Instead, it extended toward family. Toward close friends. Toward people in authority. And even toward the systems that were supposed to protect children and families.

Looking back, the family courts changed me, too. After all, those were people who were put into positions where they were supposed to protect children. Protect families. They were even supposed to be able to recognize manipulation and emotional abuse for what it was. And yet all too often, many of us walk away from those courtrooms feeling completely betrayed by the very system that was supposed to help us.

That experience changes a person.

Understandably, people who have never experienced alienation won’t fully understand it. They may see the sadness. They might witness the grief. But I don’t think they ever truly understand how it changes your ability to trust.

Because eventually, after enough betrayal, you find yourself at a point when you stop believing what people say. You stop believing promises. Sadly, you even quit assuming people have good intentions. And while this may sound wrong, these days I honestly find myself giving strangers more grace than I do to some family members or close friends.

For this, the reason is simple.

Strangers don’t usually know how to hurt you so deeply. But family does.

The people who are closest to you know your vulnerabilities. They know your fears. They know what matters most to you. They even know about your weak spots because, at one point, you trusted them enough to let them reveal them.

And sometimes… they use those things against you. Not saying that all family members do that. And I’m not saying that all friends betray you.

Deep down, I know there are still good people in this world. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some along the way. Some of them have shown me their kindness and support during the darkest years of my life. So I’m not sitting here saying all of humanity is evil.

What I am saying is that betrayal can change your wiring. At the very least, it’ll change how you move through life.

For the most part, I don’t offer second chances nearly as often as I once did. In fact, I’ve been known to cut people out of my life completely once they cross certain lines. Some people feel that’s too harsh. Maybe yes, maybe no.

What I do know is how it feels to spend years emotionally bleeding because you kept letting the wrong people back into your life, and hoping they’d eventually become the person you needed them to be.

At some point, survival takes over. This is the moment your mind starts saying, “Never again.” While this may sound odd, part of me misses the old version of myself.

I miss being able to trust people without over-analyzing their every motive. I miss not having to feel guarded all the time. I even miss that childlike belief that the people who loved you would never intentionally destroy you emotionally.

But I don’t think I can ever go back to that person again, at least not fully. You see, alienation changes you. The act of betrayal changes you. Even the years of watching people lie, manipulate, abandon, and fail you change you.

I guess that maybe the hardest part isn’t just losing your children.

Maybe part of the pain inside is realizing that you also lost the version of yourself who once believed the world was a safer place than it really is.

By David Shubert

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