Nuclear Parenting – The Alienator Way

Parental Alienation Survivor | Author | Podcast Creator & Host of iWasErased Reflections | Giving Voice to Erased Parents | Creator of the iWasErased Newsletter

Being a parent is difficult because no two children are exactly the same. Certainly, they don’t come with an instruction manual. As a result, it takes two parents to complement one another in the quest to raise their child with strong morals, respect, and compassion. However, when one is absent from this process or displays the opposite in their actions, children become confused about who they should become.

Such is the case in parental alienation. One parent may do all that is necessary to ensure their children’s needs are met within a specific parameter that will guide them in the right direction of what is acceptable and expected. These parents often exhibit characteristics that are conducive to a child’s growth, as well as their mental and emotional well-being.

They often do not allow their children to see the negative aspects of their lives, instead presenting only the positive achievements, which helps promote what they hope their children will follow. These parents believe in leading their children through personal examples and are careful about what they expose them to.

However, some parents do not share the same thoughts or feelings as their partner or spouse. Instead, they feel that what they do will not impact their children. Perhaps it is because they were raised differently and have differing views on what is acceptable. Maybe they have personality defects or underlying mental health issues.

Whichever the case, it is never in a child’s best interest when one parent displays harmful acts that are heavy-handed, self-serving, or vengeful. It only confuses the child and causes them to react in a manner that is not beneficial to their future growth.

Parental alienators are notorious for looking out for their own self-serving needs, even at the expense of their children. They do not care what their actions cause as long as their agendas are fulfilled, and often it involves revenge against their former spouse. Alienators take on the approach that the end justifies the means. Unfortunately, our children become collateral damage in this process.

In doing so, they demonstrate their lack of commitment to being the best parent to raise their child. After all, when a child can love and be loved by both their parents, they are most likely to grow into adulthood without hindrance in their developing minds.

Questions must be aggressively addressed when deciding where a child should reside. Will it be with the mother or father who holds value in allowing their child to interact freely and willingly with the absent parent, or should it be with the other, who fosters anger and hostilities? Often, family courts fail to fulfill their duties in this regard.

Parental alienators only recognize one thing – their incessant desire to invoke revenge upon the person they were not able to control and a relationship that was lost. They lose sight of what is important, and that is the children involved. In their bid to harm their former spouse, they are actually hurting the child in more ways than imaginable.

It is certainly not in any child’s best interest to remain in the physical or full-time care of someone willing to sacrifice the emotional needs of their children. As such, the family courts must open their eyes and recognize that many times, their rulings in the allocation of parental responsibilities must truly be based on the “Best Interest” standards.

When the family court system turns a blind eye and grants custody to a parent who refuses to foster love and connection between the child and the other parent, justice fails — and what triumphs in its place is nothing short of Nuclear Parenting, the way of the alienator.

By David Shubert

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