Thanx again David. I appreciate your writings very much tho my perspective is from a mother and a grandmother with a daughter who chose estrangemnt at 34 yrs of age after Her 10 yrs of marriage and living 2000 miles away, and very infrequent, very short rather uncomfortable stressful visits. We did of course become very attached and fell deeply in love with our grandchilden and who loved and enjoyed us wholeheartedly too . They were 4 and 7 when we saw them last and we hoped they retained some memories of the short yearly good times visits here. We recently found out they have apparently NO memories of times with us and we are complete strangers to them and they have no interest in us period. Were they poisoned perhaps but certainly manipulated. This is child abuse and elder abuse!
I think in our estrangement situation there was some spousal poisoning and some counsellor damage and distance in miles and the makeup of the community the parents chose also an influence along with the "me - ism " internet trends of course. So this do get thick!
However the heartbreak is the same for all of us I think tho some try to put a crusty front on it! But I do wonder if we make ourselves ill by ruminating too much on our loss. We are very elderly now( 80 an 78) and in failing health so out of time and we wonder is there any consciousness of that yet in our broken family. I feel the grandchildren for whom we are strangers and who have lost the entire half of their family history, genetic connections, and our family love and support and knowledge, are the biggest losers in estrangement.
However I wonder do we need to keep this in some additional perspective also in the reality that when people emmigrated to other countries they too lost family completely most of the time. Never mind the complete devastation and murders , deaths caused by wars / psychos etc often created by people who never have to suffered the consequences of their horrible attitudes, actions and decisions.
Maybe we need to be grateful our children and grands are alive and hopefully well and treasure the good memories of our family what ever it was. I dunno!
Hello Barbara, I saw your comment the other day, but somehow I couldn't come up with the right words to respond—which is unusual for me. That said, my heart goes out to both of you. As both, an alienated parent and grandparent, I understand what you're going thru. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope things change for the better soon!
Thanx again David. I appreciate your writings very much tho my perspective is from a mother and a grandmother with a daughter who chose estrangemnt at 34 yrs of age after Her 10 yrs of marriage and living 2000 miles away, and very infrequent, very short rather uncomfortable stressful visits. We did of course become very attached and fell deeply in love with our grandchilden and who loved and enjoyed us wholeheartedly too . They were 4 and 7 when we saw them last and we hoped they retained some memories of the short yearly good times visits here. We recently found out they have apparently NO memories of times with us and we are complete strangers to them and they have no interest in us period. Were they poisoned perhaps but certainly manipulated. This is child abuse and elder abuse!
I think in our estrangement situation there was some spousal poisoning and some counsellor damage and distance in miles and the makeup of the community the parents chose also an influence along with the "me - ism " internet trends of course. So this do get thick!
However the heartbreak is the same for all of us I think tho some try to put a crusty front on it! But I do wonder if we make ourselves ill by ruminating too much on our loss. We are very elderly now( 80 an 78) and in failing health so out of time and we wonder is there any consciousness of that yet in our broken family. I feel the grandchildren for whom we are strangers and who have lost the entire half of their family history, genetic connections, and our family love and support and knowledge, are the biggest losers in estrangement.
However I wonder do we need to keep this in some additional perspective also in the reality that when people emmigrated to other countries they too lost family completely most of the time. Never mind the complete devastation and murders , deaths caused by wars / psychos etc often created by people who never have to suffered the consequences of their horrible attitudes, actions and decisions.
Maybe we need to be grateful our children and grands are alive and hopefully well and treasure the good memories of our family what ever it was. I dunno!
Hello Barbara, I saw your comment the other day, but somehow I couldn't come up with the right words to respond—which is unusual for me. That said, my heart goes out to both of you. As both, an alienated parent and grandparent, I understand what you're going thru. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope things change for the better soon!