Alienation’s Other Silent Victims

Most times, I typically write about the parents who are caught in the nightmare of alienation, and even the children who suffer just as deeply. But in truth, there's another group whose pain often gets overlooked. There’s another layer of heartbreak that’s seldom talked about. I'm speaking about the grandparents.

These are the ones who didn’t just lose a grandchild. They, too, lost birthdays, holidays, bedtime stories, and the chance to leave behind irreplaceable pieces of themselves in the hearts of the next generation.

Over the years, I’ve heard from so many grandparents, and their stories all carry the same heartache. These are people who once held their grandbabies close to them, who helped raise them, rocked them to sleep, showed up for school plays and soccer games, only to be erased on a whim.

There are some who haven’t seen or spoken to their grandkids in years. Others who only get a glimpse of them from afar, like a stolen photo they came across online or perhaps an old voicemail that they just can't bring themselves to delete. And much like the rest of us, they’re also told to move on. Not to make any waves, and to be patient.

But how do you “move on” from a child you helped raise from their very beginning? How do you silence your heart when it still hears the sound of their little voice(s) calling you “Grandma” or “Grandpa”? Simply put, you don’t. You can’t. At least not realistically speaking.

It should come as no surprise that grandparents suffer a very specific kind of grief — the kind that’s rooted in absence without death, love without any access, and certain memories that still keep showing up like clockwork, even when the child no longer does.

But it’s not just the grandparents who lose out. Remember, it’s the grandchildren who also suffer. They’re robbed of those special relationships that were supposed to help cement them into who they are, and who they would one day become — the stories, the traditions, and the emotional place of safety that only a grandparent can provide.

Alienation doesn’t just steal a parent from a child. It also severs the roots that were once firmly planted. It breaks a generational bond that was never meant to be interfered with, cutting off a connection that once held so much love and meaning.

And for what? Control over others? Revenge? To win? Why?

Whatever the reason, the damage runs much deeper than most people ever realize. After all, we talk so much about what the courts are doing to parents, and while that conversation is beyond important, we can’t ignore the ripple effect that has on those standing just outside the courtroo

m, too. These are the ones who didn’t have a say in matters, who didn’t get to fight for their rights, but who lost something just as sacred.

So to the grandparents out there grieving in silence: you’re not forgotten, not by a long shot. Your loss and your pain is real. Your love still matters. And your presence, even if erased on paper, is not erased in spirit.

And to the children out there who are going through these difficult times, if you're ever old enough to see through the lies you were fed, I hope you find your way back to the truth. Not just to the parent you lost, but to the grandparents who never stopped loving you from a distance.

David Shubert